Goodbye 2011 - and good riddance!
This post is only marginally related to the practice of law. I say marginally because lawyers are human, and anything that affects their persona life has some impact on their professional lives.
2011 was not bad professionally, but one I'm all too happy to close the book on personally. My wife lost her 8 year battle with cancer in January. While I can't say it was unexpected, I certainly wasn't prepared. Her death was separated by only a couple of months from the death of my mother, as well as my mother in law. So I had more than just her death to deal with.
I've always been a pretty stable emotionally and expected to be deal with my wife's death with few problems - especially since I've had a long to think about it. Boy was I wrong. There were issues I have never anticipated, along with a general lack of motivation. I expected things to get better with time, which hasn't really happened.
I now have a far better insight into the feelings of loss, despair and depression that many of our clients experience. It's easy to think someone needs to "get over it", but it's not nearly as easy to do. Far too often I think we neglect the mental and emotional and issues our clients are going through - and as a result don't do the best we can for them. As lawyer we evaluate the legal and practical consequences of decisions, and sometimes that may not be the most important consideration for the client.
I'm thankful I have a job I love and still enjoy even after 30 years. It gave me a reason to keep on going, and get out of bed every day. It also gave me an escape - a way to avoid thinking (or confronting) some of the more negative thoughts I had. I cannot imagine what my life would be like if I didn't have some place to go every day.
When a spouse passes away you can't help but think about your purpose in life. For the past several years my main focus was on taking care of her, and helping her deal with the thousands of issues that come with fighting cancer. I'm still struggling with that, but I don't have to struggle with one thing - my desire to help individuals who find themselves on the wrong side of the power of the State. Nothing makes me angrier than to see someone taken advantage of by the system.. it happens far too often, and were it not for the thousands of good criminal defense lawyers it would happen more often still.
I'm not making any new year's resolutions, but I am re-committing myself to continue the fight. And I'm thankful that I still have the desire to do it.
